Once again, it has been some time since we sat together at the table and chatted. For those of you who missed our last chat in December, you may want to take a minute to go back and read it.
We spoke about my Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter Cactus (I never know when it is going to bloom) and its desire to bloom when in the direct light.
Well, this morning, I noticed it is ready to bloom again. I counted 7 tiny buds on it and I noticed that all the greenery has turned itself completely towards the window side (I had to turn it around to get a picture of the buds).
It got me thinking about the light again.
It has been a dark winter here.
Physically there have been many cloudy days with not even a peak of the sun. Even the cat has noticed the lack of sun beams to sleep in – often wandering around the house several times a day looking for a prime napping spot, to no avail.
Emotionally, there have been more days requiring an umbrella to shield from the tears than there have been requiring glasses to shield from the brightness.
Spiritually, it has been a winter where I continue to experience and learn from the various facets of the “dark night of the soul” and the “valley of the shadow of death”, facets that I had not even considered before.
And so, this morning, when I looked at my cactus and saw all these new little buds, I thought, “Ah, the light wins again.” Because although the days have been dark on the outside and on the inside, that little cactus leaned towards the window and stretched to receive the little bit of light that it knew was beyond those clouds. And in doing so, grew little buds of life that will once again bloom into beautiful flowers.
The word of God tells us, “Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” Ephesians 6:13
It also tells us that, “the LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1
If I were to be completely honest, there are days when I feel too weary, worn out and discouraged to put on the armour and days when, even though I believe that the Lord is my light and my salvation, I fear many things.
On those days, I just call out the name of Jesus- His Spirit that lives within me, my Advocate, cries out on my behalf, when I have no strength and no words, only tears and travail.
In Psalm 105:39, the Psalmist reminds the people about the time when they wandered in the wilderness and God “spread a cloud for a covering, and fire to give light in the night”.
In this very dark winter, I have seen that fire that provides the light.
That fire that appears in the morning when I have to get up and face another day of the unknown, still weary from the day before.
That fire that appears in the midst of the hospital room when nothing seems to be going right.
That fire that surrounds us both, when my husband cries out “how long oh Lord” in his suffering.
That fire that is familiar and warm when daily life is turned upside down, day after day.
That fire that goes ahead but also wraps around, when despite the amazing support of those around me, I feel isolated and alone.
Just as that cactus plant knows to lean in and stretch toward the light that is there, even when it isn’t obvious, I know to lean in and stretch toward the light that gives me life, strength, and hope.
Jesus tells us, “I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness.” John 12:46
So, even though the winter has seemed physically, emotionally and spiritually dark, I know not to abide in that darkness. I am not unrealistic. I do not deny the darkness I see and feel. But, as a Child of God, a Child of the light, I know that I cannot burrow in deep, covered securely by the weight of the darkness and its ability to obscure how and what I see. As we talked about the last day, there is, oddly enough, a comfort in the dark, in the weight of it. But that is not where I am to find my comfort.
I am to find my comfort in the light; THE LIGHT.
If that requires me to lean in and stretch towards Him because I know He is there, even when I don’t see Him, then that is what I must do.
Sometimes I need a reminder:
My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah (Psalm 62:5-8).
I also like how the passion translation says it:
I am standing in absolute stillness, silent before the one I love, waiting as long as it takes for him to rescue me. Only God is my Savior, and he will not fail me. For he alone is my safe place. His wraparound presence always protects me as my champion defender. There’s no risk of failure with God! So why would I let worry paralyze me, even when troubles multiply around me? God’s glory is all around me! His wraparound presence is all I need, for the Lord is my Savior, my hero, and my life-giving strength. Trust only in God every moment! Tell him all your troubles and pour out your heart-longings to him. Believe me when I tell you—he will help you! Pause in his presence. Psalm 62:5-8 TPT
And on those days when I can’t even lean in or stretch towards Him, I need not worry, He is only ever a breath away – and reaches for me.
I’m so happy that the Light always wins. I’m also happy that the Lord speaks to us in so many simple but beautiful ways, like through the 7 tiny buds on my cactus.
It has been so nice to sit at the table and chat with you once again.
Be well, be blessed, stay in the light.
