Jesus Archives - Laurie Hopkins

November 23 2024

Year of Jubilee – This is your Release!

And you shall consecrate the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout all the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a Jubilee for you; and each of you shall return to his possession, and each of you shall return to his family.

Leviticus 25:10

But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.

Isaiah 42:1-2

It has been a very long time since I shared on this blog. Not that I didn’t want to or didn’t sit and try to pen words; I did, quite a few times. The words didn’t come easily though. This has been a season of processing and living the lessons, rather than putting them on paper and posting them for the world to see. Quite some time ago, I promised that this blog spot would be a place to share when I felt the need to share – not just for the sake of posting- and this has been a season when the sharing has been on hold.

This morning, as I had breakfast and drank my coffee (yes, it was coffee morning rather than a tea morning), I felt the release to write. So here I sit, pen and paper in hand, Christmas lights on in the window, and time to share the things the Lord has put on my heart.

This year I turned 50 – a milestone birthday – a cause for celebration and reflection. Early in the year, as I thought about my upcoming day, I was reminded that in the Bible, the 50^th year was a year of Jubilee. A year to give back the things that were taken. A year to receive release and restoration. From time to time this would come to mind as I anticipated my 50^th birthday celebration.

One morning, after my birthday celebrations with family and friends, as I was praying, I reminded God that this was my year of jubilee. I asked him for the release. The release from the fatigue and responsibility of caregiving, from the weight of the physical and emotional strain. The release from a lifetime of working for healing in my life. At the time, I thought it quite a clever prayer. How could God say no to my request?

I sat in the quiet for some time, but the answer did not come that morning. Quite honestly, I didn’t think of it again for a few days. One night, late, after a particularly gruelling day, as I lay awake long after I should have been asleep, the thought of Jubilee came to mind. At that moment, out of the stillness of the darkness, there was a soft reply, “This is your release.”

Hummmm, I should have known the answer I was waiting for would require some thought on my part. “This is your release” – What is my release? This being awake at 2 am? This full-time caregiving? This inability to work or even get out of the house most days? This constant question of “Am I doing this right”? This soul-searching, gut-wrenching work of healing body, soul and mind? These non-stop days? The cat who gets needier by the moment and loves to scream until he gets what he wants? The isolation? The sense that nothing actually makes sense? The roles of Nurse, wife, chief cook and bottle washer, and entertainment director?

Though these questions sound like they may have come from a bitter spirit, they did not. As I stayed very still in the dark and whispered over and over again, “This is my release”, these questions came out softly, like those sheep you should count at night, jumping over a fence. “What is my release?” – as I ran through a list of the current days, sorting one by one – “Do you mean this, or perhaps this, or maybe even this?” Holding each thought gently in my hands and lifting them towards the heavens for the Lord to inspect.

There was no answer that night, but I did slowly drift off to sleep.

Since that night, many months ago, I have, from time to time, run the question through my mind, over my tongue and through my fingers – “this is my release.” One day I even spoke it out loud with an emphasis on the different words – just to feel it out.

“THIS is my release”

“This IS my release”

“This is MY release”

“This is my RELEASE”

Other than making me smile in the process, I didn’t learn anything new in using this technique.

This morning, as I marvelled at the fact that it is already close to the end of November and the year is drawing to a close, I thought about this 50th year. “This is your release.”

I understood that today I have been released to reflect and to share because I have allowed myself many months to live the release first.

I immediately wondered – how would I be able to express the living out of this year of Jubilee, this release that won’t be tamed into mere words on a page?

I began to ask God – “What is my release”? As I sat very still and whispered over and over again, “What is my release”, these questions came out softly, once again, like those sheep you should count at night jumping over a fence. “What is my release?” – as I ran through a list of the current days, sorting one by one – “Do you mean this, or perhaps this, or maybe even this?” Holding each thought gently in my hands and lifting them towards the heavens for the Lord to inspect.

Is it that I have learned:

That food tastes so much better, not when it is take-out, expensive, or fancy, but rather when it is simple, eaten slowly and enjoyed – when I have taken the time to think about what I like to eat, I make it colourful, and I feed myself when I am hungry- when it is no longer a line to check off my to-do list – when I am intentional about enjoying the planning, the cooking and then the food itself.
That sleep is a gift, rather than just a requirement for functioning the next day – that laying quietly and resting is sometimes as good as a full sleep – that afternoon naps on rainy days are to be enjoyed, not used to induce unnecessary guilt – that a cat nap may mean a 15-minute nap or just resting in the recliner, eyes closed, with a cat laying on top of you – that squeezing in my husband’s hospital bed beside him in the middle of the day, counts as a rest and is often more important than housework -that for me, sleepless nights sometimes are an indicator that I haven’t had a good and honest chat with God lately – and that I can and should take the time to wrap all my worries, concerns, and heavy lifting in a nice little package, put a bow on it and hand it over to Jesus before I even attempt to close my eyes at night.
That Christmas lights can go up in all my windows in late October because they are pretty and make me smile – and I don’t need to worry about who is looking or what they are thinking – there are no rules about choosing the things that are lifegiving in a dark and wet season (in real-time or figuratively).
That, one benefit to this current “dark and rainy” fall season in New Brunswick, is that I can leave my Christmas lights on all day and night and enjoy them.
That exercise feels good when you don’t actually feel like it; or when you are doing it because you are prioritizing your health in this season rather than because someone said you should be exercising; when you know you are worth the half hour a day; when you learn that a walk in the woods is more restorative than a full nights sleep; when you begin to see the difference in your mood, body and thinking.
That you can wear your “comfy clothes” (including pj’s) all the time, whether you have company in the house or not – that there are days when you will want to “dress up” even though you are not leaving the house, and that there is something wonderful about catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and thinking “oh wow, I am having a cute day!”
That productivity purely for the sake of producing is overrated and unhealthy – that there is no shame in a to-do list having the same items listed for many days in a row without ever getting checked off – that your purpose will look different in each season – that full-time caregiving at home is just as important and satisfying as working as a professional caregiver outside the home – that every skill I am using in this season will be transferrable to work God has for me in other seasons -that nothing is a waste.
That, every one of us has incorporated lies about who we are, who we are supposed to be and who we are going to be, into the foundation of our lives – that it is not only important but a must, to identify and dismantle those lies about ourselves, our friends and family, strangers, God, the world and how things work – so we can reinforce our foundations with truth and find healing for ourselves, others and the world.
That, having a good laugh (or a good cry) can change your perspective on just about any situation.
That yard work, dirt, planting seeds, watching things grow, pushing your body to be outside doing easy things or hard things, and enjoying the fruit of our labour, also plants the seeds of joy and gratitude deep in our hearts and souls.
That an evening of sappy Netflix Christmas movies (even if I figured out the whole storyline in the first 2 minutes) and crocheting is good for a rest, a bit of a cry, a few smiles, perspective, and quality time with the cat
That, the care, compassion, empathy, love, intimacy and connection that has been available to me in this season of darkness, loss, grief, and difficult demands, are gifts I could not have experienced apart from these things I would never have chosen for myself.
That the year of Jubilee would require me to give away things I was holding on to that I no longer required
That the release I asked for and the release God spoke of, would not mean avoiding the fire or the flood but learning to walk through holding the hand of the very one who promised me I would see the other side.
That the release would not mean avoiding the dark but learning to shine despite the dark
That there are levels of joy and peace and healing that I could never have experienced apart from the valley of the shadow of death.

This is your release.

This 50^th year is my year to give back the things I choose to carry, that were never really mine, were built on lies or no longer serve me. This 50^th year is my year to receive the release and restoration God has for me. This 50^th is my year to pass through rather than stay stuck in. I am walking through the valley of the shadow of death without fear because He is with me.

THIS is your release!

This is MY release!

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me.

Psalm 23:4

Category: Life, Moments | 2 Comments

December 29 2023

A Cup of Tea, A Pen and Some Paper

A Cup of Tea, A Pen and Some Paper

Another day, another week, another year –

how the time adds up, moves quickly and passes;

and yet, moves in slow motion.

Here we are again, just ahead,

another December 31^st to reflect on and

another January 1^st to look ahead from –

activities generally looked upon with great anticipation.

Yet, in this moment, I find myself,

a bit weary of reflecting

and unsure of looking ahead.

Here I sit, post Christmas lights and gifts and food

quiet

settled

a to-do list to my left

untouched for days

a hot cup of tea

a pen and paper.

How to explain

A year of waiting –

waiting to hear, waiting to know, waiting to understand, waiting for improvement, waiting for recovery, waiting for life to resume – to return to normal or a new normal or some sort of balance-

waiting on the Lord.

A year of watching-

watching for results, watching for appointments and surgery, watching beside the hospital bed, watching beside the bed at home-

watching the Lord at work.

A year of stillness and silence –

piece by piece the activities of life shut down

until all is silent-

new activity replaces-

but it is still and silent as well.

Then the withdrawal – the stillness, the silence

the pressure to fill them-

activity, doing, planning, organizing

when physically impossible or unnecessary,

the mind takes over –

filling the gap-

satisfying the craving to produce-

fortifying the lie that tells us

we must

move, do, plan, organize, produce

to exist, be seen, be heard, be loved

by others, ourselves and by God Himself.

In time,

the mind follows the physical body

in the waiting, watching, stillness and silence.

It feels less jittery, jumpy and unsettled

It sits in front of the Christmas tree and watches the lights.

It lingers over a hot cup of something, doodles on a blank piece of paper,

strings a few words together-

trying to explain its current position.

It walks in the woods and chooses to look and see, to hear and smell and feel,

rather than composing lists of things to accomplish.

It prepares food – intentionally – eats slowly and discovers

what it does and does not like.

It closes its eyes at night and chooses

to leave it all in God’s Hands.

It wakes up in the morning and lingers for a few moments-

asking God – what shall we do today?

It stops scrolling endlessly and aimlessly,

leaves the phone in another room

doesn’t listen for the ring or the buzzing and dinging,

and doesn’t worry about missing out.

It gives the physical body permission to

wait and watch –

sits in the stillness and silence-

in peace.

As the body and mind come into synch

the spirit quickens.

The waiting, watching, stillness and silence

open up new possibilities

to be in His presence-

to hear Him speak –

in the softest whisper-

to feel the lightest touch –

to see Him in the smallest details.

To know the joy of this moment –

Because He is

right here –

right now.

Another day, another week, another year –

how the time adds up, moves quickly and passes;

and yet, moves in slow motion.

Here we are again, just ahead,

another December 31^st to reflect on and

another January 1^st to look ahead from –

activities generally looked upon with great anticipation.

Yet,

in this moment,

this year,

this season….

waiting and watching

in the stillness and silence,

I choose to sit, post Christmas lights and gifts and food

quiet

settled

a to-do list to my left

untouched for days

a hot cup of tea

and pen and paper-

doodling and stringing a few words together,

to share (rather than explain) our current

position.

And He is here with me

His presence evident

in the present moment.

I trust He will lead us in reflection in the coming days

I trust He will show us the path forward for the coming year-

in big picture or in day-to-day snippets.

I need not

do, move, produce.

I can be-

just who I am,

who I was created to be,

here, in this very moment.

In this moment-

I exist-

I am seen, heard and loved.

And that is enough –

more than enough.

I set my pen down and head to the kitchen

for some hot tea-

the lights in my window

catch my eye –

I smile.

Category: Life, Moments, Nature, New Beginnings | 10 Comments

April 24 2022

Learning to Let Go- When Seasons Change

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

How have you been? Really? The last time we chatted, we talked about “living in the what if?”

Has that begun to percolate, not just in your mind, but also in your spirit? Have you sat with it and allowed it the opportunity to shift your thinking? If not, you may need to go back and revisit it.

One of the truths I have come to learn this year is the importance of sitting with the information we are reading, hearing, and learning. We are a society that loves to devour information – the more information the better. However, I fear that our devouring is superficial at best. When was the last time you sat and thought about what you read? Discussed it with someone else? Prayed about it? Allowed it to get down deep into your thinking and into your spirit? Gave it the opportunity to make a difference in your day-to-day life? Before moving on to the next reading, conference material, sermon, etc.

I think we need to question our intention in devouring such vast amounts of information. What do we actually intend to do with it? Do we intend to learn, change and grow? Or are we just checking off “done” on some invisible checklist, trying to prove that we are smart and capable, that we belong? I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I was caught up in that cycle. Reading, listening, watching but never really participating. I was working hard to try to fill a void inside with “learning”. Only to find that even just a few days later I couldn’t recall many of the details of what I had given away so much of my time for; it had been devoured by the next thing. I was left feeling rushed and disillusioned with my inability to find what I was looking for, despite all the “learning”.

These days I am working on watching what I am taking in, how much I am taking in and being intentional about the time I spend with what I am taking in. This means I am sharing less on my blog as well. Moving from sharing just to share, to sharing when there is something to share.

If you have not spent some time in the last blog and wish to stop right here and go back to take a look. Or if you want to start from here and spend some time in today’s chat. Whatever you choose to do, please consider taking the time to sit with what you read. Think about it. Talk about it. Pray about it. Wrestle with it. Comment on it. Ask other readers, or me, questions about it. However you choose to do it, don’t just devour it and move it- participate, engage with it, and allow it to settle deeper than the surface.

Now, onto our thought for today. How many of you are happy that Spring is finally here? Nico the cat loves the longer days (more time to lie in the sun)! I have been enjoying more walks outside. The woods trail I like to walk in was groomed for cross-country skiing only all winter, so I am excited to be able to walk in the woods again. There is something about being out in the midst of the trees and beside the river.

The first time I got back onto the woods trail, I must admit, I was distracted thinking about how beautiful it had been in early winter, snowy, untouched, soft snow falling and covering the surrounding trees. Right then it looked bare, somewhat dirty, and unkempt even. As I walked, I heard God say, “Are you ready to let go?” “Let go of what?” I quickly responded. I was in the process of much change and He could have been referring to many things. His answer – “Everything.” That was all I heard for some time.

I have been thinking about this for a few weeks now. The question pops up frequently and at the most unusual times, “Are you ready to let go?”

Has anyone else heard this of late? Perhaps something similar? It has been my experience, that when God speaks to me about things, He is also speaking to others about the same or similar things as well.

How have you responded? Do you know what you need to let go of? Is there one thing in particular or are there a few things on the potential list?

Today as I walked, I heard it again, “Are you ready to let go?” This time I answered, “Yes, I am ready, but you need to show me what I need to let go.”

I paused and I heard the sweetest voice whisper in my ear, “When seasons change, there is a time of transition – there is beauty in the transition that you must learn to see –it may look and feel barren- but the barrenness is just an emptying so there is room within you to receive. When seasons change, you must learn to let go, to be emptied, so you are ready to engage – and to be filled with the beauty and joy of the next season. The season is changing – what do you KNOW you NEED to let go?”

The new season is not just about doing something different, trying new things, gathering new information, being a different you. The new season is mostly about what you let go of. The doubts, the fears, and the lies you have built your current foundation on. The obstacles you have placed in front of yourself.

I stopped in the middle of the woods path, beside the beautiful river, and saw for the first time this spring, the new buds on the trees, the new sprigs of green poking up through the dead leaves, the yellow flowers. At that moment, I was able to stop longing for what it looked like in the winter (what once was) and waiting for what it will look like in the summer (the expectation of what is to come), and in doing so, I saw the beauty of the moment.

It is a new season. I need to learn to let some things go. What about you?

Are you ready to empty so you can be filled? Can you let go so you can be in the moment? There is beauty in the transition if we are only open to seeing it.

As I finished my walk, God was gracious to help me to see some of the things I need to let go of. Self-sufficiency was number one. We were created for relationship – relationship with God and then people. We were never intended to figure it out or to do it on our own. Foundations built on “I can do it on my own” are foundations built on the sand. Structures or systems in our life that we have created to “survive” need to be deconstructed and reconstructed with the truths that only Jesus can show us. That foundation will be a foundation built on the solid rock.

What about perfectionism and false responsibility? Doing as a way to prove your worth or to earn your existence? Running fast and hard to outrun that “thing”?

I don’t know about you, but these are all things I need to learn to let go.

As I stood in the woods, by the bridge, over the river, I lifted my palms upward and gave it all to Jesus. I asked for His forgiveness, not for building the structures I needed to survive at certain points in my life, but for turning away from His offers of help even when I knew, the structures “I built” no longer served me.

“And of His fullness we have all received, and grace for grace.” (John 1:16)

The Passion Translation says it this way:

“And from the overflow of his fullness we received grace heaped upon more grace!”

In the letting go, in the transition, in the moment, I found His grace.

Do you know what you need to let go of? Are you ready to offer it up to Jesus? He is not waiting to pounce on you and condemn you when you lift your palms upward. He is waiting to hold out His hands to receive what you are ready to let go of and to hold out His arms when you are ready to run into His.

It is a new season. I am choosing to let some things go. What about you?

This is not a word to devour and move on. This is a word to sit with. Take the time; allow it to seep below the surface. Then respond and watch what God will do, not only in your life but also in the lives around you.

Thanks for stopping in for a chat! I always enjoy our time together.

Drop your thoughts in the comment section below – I would love to hear from you!

Until next time!

Laurie

Category: Moments, New Beginnings | LEAVE A COMMENT