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January 13 2020

When We Want Fairness But Really Need Grace –When Mindsets Need to Shift

Hello, my dear friend. So happy to see you back at the table for a chat. Last time I asked you to share your word for the year. We got some good words: expectancy, prayer, “make room at my table”, consistency, trust, “no more walls”. What a great start to the year! If you weren’t here last time, feel free to join us and share your word for the year in the comment section below the blog. I am excited to see what God has in store for all of us and we move in 2020. So, grab your warm cup of something and choose a chair. This week we are going to talk about When We Want Fairness But Really Need Grace: When Mindsets Need to Shift

It Is Time To Shift Our Thinking

I believe that 2020 is a year in which we need to shift our thinking. I think that we so often get caught up in our mind “habits” that we miss out on seeing things in a new and refreshing way. This week I would like for us to consider “What if there is something better?” with regards to 3 mindsets or ways of thinking, that I believe need to switch in 2020.

Matthew 20

Early last week in my devotional time, I was reading in Matthew 20. I read the story of the landowner who went out into the market at various times throughout the day and hired men to go and work in his vineyard. At the end of the day when it was time to receive their pay, we read the following:

So when evening had come, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, ‘Call the laborers and give them their wages, beginning with the last to the first.’ “And when those came who were hired about the eleventh hour, they each received a denarius. “But when the first came, they supposed that they would receive more; and they likewise received each a denarius.

“And when they had received it, they complained against the landowner, “saying, ‘These last men have worked only one hour, and you made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the heat of the day.’

“But he answered one of them and said, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? ‘Take what is yours and go your way. I wish to give to this last man the same as to you. ‘Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things? Or is your eye evil because I am good?’

So the last will be first, and the first last. For many are called, but few chosen. Matthew 20:8-16 (NKJV)

Fair is Fair

From an early age, we teach about fairness. We believe that fairness is the king of the playground; and if we only applied it to the world around us as we grow from children to adults, then everything will be ok. When I think of the word fair I think of the word deserve. If things are fair, I am getting what I deserve and you are getting what you deserve. Therefore, when we fight for fairness, what we are fighting for is what we deserve.

When I Get What I Deserve But Someone Else Gets More Than They Deserve

Let’s look at this more closely. When we read the Biblical account above of the workers in the vineyard, we see that the landowner was accused of not “playing fair” when paying the workers. Those who were hired early in the day complained because those that were hired later in the day received the same amount of pay. But when we look more closely we see that those who complained actually got what they deserved – they were paid according to what they were promised. Therefore, we could say their pay was fair. They were paid what they deserved. The problem comes when the workers who started later in the day got more than they deserved. So the question of fairness is no longer about me getting what I deserve, it is also about others getting what they do not deserve.

What If There Is Something Better?

What if there is something better than fairness? Sometimes we really don’t deserve anything at all? What if in those moments, we were treated with grace? Grace is defined as favour. Favour, unlike fairness, is independent of what you deserve. In the above account, those workers who got paid for the day and only worked part of the day received favour. Grace was shown to them.

What if we fought for grace rather than fairness?

What if we shifted our mindset to be content when we get what we deserved without looking at what other people are getting? That would require being able to rejoice when others prosper.

Rejoicing In The Prospering Of Others

We are often taught, subtly or not so subtly, to look out for our own interests. This mindset comes from a spirit of lack. We often operate from the belief that there is really not enough to go around. Therefore, if you have something, there will be less for me.

What If There Is Something Better?

What if there is something better than operating out of a spirit of lack? What if we understood and truly believed that our Heavenly Father owns the “cattle on a thousand hills” (Psalm 50:10)? What if we could get our head around the fact that Jesus came, not just to save us, but so that we would have life and have it more abundantly (John 10:10)? There is no lack in either of those statements. Yet, we often live from a place of lack. When we begin to live from a place of “there is enough to go around”, we will find that we are more able to rejoice in the prospering of others. We will know we have reached that place when we get what we deserve, or not, and the person beside us gets grace or favour and we are able to rejoice alongside them.

Excel

We are also taught in life to excel. To aim high and work hard and become all you can be. Unfortunately, over time, our concept of what it looks like to excel has changed. It is no longer work hard, use the gifts you have been given, and be the best you. Excelling has come to mean fame, fortune and notoriety. It involves rising as far to the top as you can all the while comparing yourself to those around you.

What If There Is Something Better?

At the end of the above parable, Jesus ends with the “lesson” for His disciples. “So the last will be first, and the first last.” (Matthew 20:16) Kingdom principles are different than the mindset of the world. In the Kingdom, the goal is not always rising to the top. We can excel in our lives by being obedient to the path the Lord has for us, living our best lives and still never achieve fame, fortune or notoriety.

What if we shifted our view of excelling? What if we choose to excel from a place of serving and obedience and allowed God to raise us up in due time. It would allow for grace instead of fairness, stop us from comparing ourselves to one another, and allow us to truly rejoice when others are prospering.

There Is Something Better

Grace is better than fairness.

Rejoicing in the prospering of others is better than looking out only for our own interests.

Excelling from a place of serving is better than seeking fame, fortune and notoriety.

What I Know

I know that mindsets can be difficult to shift. Recognizing that we need to shift is the first and most important step. Are you ready to make a shift in 2020? Let’s commit to doing this together this year. There is no need for anyone of us to float on our own. There is grace at this table. And there is freedom to be the real you, not the you that you feel you have to put out there. Peel off the mask and put it on the table. Think about which of these three mindsets you would like to work on.

Until Next Time

Well, my friends, my coffee cup is empty and the kitty cat is clamouring for some attention. Thanks so much for coming to the table. I value your presence, your commitment of time and your thoughts. This year I would love it if everyone would commit to taking a few minutes to share in the comment section of the blog after reading it. Let’s build a community that can chat, encourage and share with one another. Thanks to everyone who took the time to share their word for the year.

Your Turn To Comment

There are several ways to participate in the blog this week:

1) share your word for the year if you haven’t already done so,

2) comment on some of the other words that were shared (they are in the first paragraph of this blog),

3) talk to us about today’s blog – what do you think about the 3 mindsets we talked about (fairness vs grace, looking out for oneself vs rejoicing in the prospering of others, excelling for fame, fortune or notoriety vs excelling in serving)

4) share which mindset you would like to tackle first,

5) share what you would like to chat about at this table,

6) just share!

NEW!

On the website, I have posted my word for the year and my Bible Verse for the year. I am planning for some changes to the site – help me out – what would you like to see on the website? Comment in the blog section.

Be In Touch

I’m at the kitchen table every day; drop by anytime for a chat! You can find me on:

Email laurie@lauriehopkins.ca

Professional Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/GodsWritingDancer/

Pinterest https://www.pinterest.ca/LaurieHopkins10/

Comment section at the end of each blog

Until next time,

From my heart to yours!

Laurie

Category: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

November 25 2019

It is Time to Build New Tables: How Exclusion Can Lead to New Community

Thanks for dropping in for a visit! It has been a while since we last chatted. Grab your hot mug of something and take a few moments to sit with me. Some weeks require a bit more thought when preparing to chat – this week was one of them. Sometimes you can feel like you’ve said everything already and there is nothing left to chat about. But then, as you sit quietly and reflect, something comes to you, and you think, “we really should talk about that together!” and a new blog is born. This week’s topic is: It is Time to Build New Tables: How Exclusion Can Lead to New Community.

Quotes That Catch Your Eye

I was reading my journal from the beginning of 2019 and I came across this quote that I first encountered on Jan 2.

“2018 taught me to stop aspiring to sit at tables where I have to bring my own chair, squeeze in between folks, and repeatedly convince others why I should be there. I learned to build a new table. I hope you learned the same.” Lisa Bevere.

Experiences Summed Up

We all have experienced times in our life that can be summed up quite neatly with this quote. Sometimes we do not have the words to capture the experience, but then someone else comes along and presents it in a way that makes perfect sense to us. These are important moments because they help to validate our experience and give us a starting point for our next move.

Exclusion At The Table

In our years to date, I think it is safe to say that the majority of us have experienced exclusion at some table. We are all unique individuals. For many of us, however, it takes many years for us to understand and celebrate our uniqueness. Because of that, we often spend much time trying to find a table that we fit at. Sort of like the fairy tale of Goldilocks and the three bears. When Goldilocks entered the home of the three bears, she spent a lot of time “trying out tables”. She tried 3 chairs, 3 bowls of porridge and finally 3 beds – too hot and too cold, too large and too small and too hard and too soft –until, each time, she found the one that was “just right” for her.

Bring Your Own Chair

As part of the maturing process, throughout our lives we find ourselves trying out different tables. I fear, however, that for many of us, because we haven’t yet become comfortable with who we are, we tend to try and place that chair at many tables that are not even suitable for us to be sitting at. Because we are eager to fit in, even though we see that there is no chair at that table for us, we carry out own chair, hoping to be offered a spot.

Squeeze In If You Can Find Room

Others see that we are carrying our own chair so out of some sort of concern for us, even though they know they haven’t set a place for us at that table, they may call out “squeeze in if you can find room.” So we do so and for a time we have some sense of belonging. Unfortunately, because there was really no room at that table for us, we start to feel the squeeze. At first it is easy to ignore. But over time, the space allotted for us begins to feel constrictive and overtime, like Goldilocks, we admit, this space is “just too small” and we are forced to move on.

I Belong Here

Sometimes we persevere at the table, despite the squeeze. We may have convinced ourselves that we only need a little room or that we aren’t really “that” uncomfortable. And so, we stay seated, on the chair we brought ourselves, in a space that is too small for us. Because of our discomfort, at that point, we will often begin to feel the need to try and defend to others that we actually belong at this particular table. Unfortunately, the more we defend, the more out of place we feel.

And The Cycle Continues

So, eventually, we will take our chair and move on. Depending on what lessons we learned at this table, about ourselves and about others, we very well may take our chair and search out another table. Again, if we find a table that wasn’t set for us and we squeeze in, over time we will once again find ourselves defending our spot at the table. In my own experience and in the experience of many I have spoken to, this can become a cyclical event. Having said that, hopefully, each time this happens, if we are open to learning the lessons, we are less likely to stay as long at the next table.

What Does Your Table Look Like?

What has been your experience with tables? What tables are you sitting at right now? Did you have to bring your own chair? How is the space fitting you? Are your contributions at the table readily recognized and acknowledged, or are you defending your space?

When you stop and think about it, do you see this pattern in your life? Even more important, do you see growth from one experience to the next? Maybe you are not carrying your chair around now, but are still squeezing into tight spots. Perhaps you are past that and have a seat at a table with lots of room, but you have sat there longer than you should, once you recognized that your voice hasn’t been valued at that table and you have spent too much time and energy defending your spot. Or perhaps you are at the point where you are confidently sitting at a table, on a chair with your name on it; a place where you know you fit.

Cycle Of Table-Hopping

We may fit better at some tables rather than others. We may learn more lessons from our time as some tables rather than others. Sometimes tables are for a season or a particular reason. The key to tables is knowing when to sit, knowing when to stay and knowing when to leave.

Some of this cycle of moving from table to table is part of our growing and maturing process; how we learn about who we are and where we fit. Some of us, however, can get stuck in this cycle of table-hopping; never really finding that table that we feel “fits just right.”

Building New Tables

When I read Lisa Bevere’s quote the first time I was struck by this line: “I learned to build a new table.” My first reaction was “what a novel thought”, “you mean that I don’t have to sit at the tables of others”, “you mean I can be the one building the table?” It was like an entire mind-shift for me.

2019

I learned a number of things in 2019

1) I table-hop because I don’t fully appreciate who I am and what I bring to the table

2) I am unique

3) Being unique is ok

4) I want to know more clearly who I am

5) I want to be much more confident in what I bring to the table

6) I don’t particularly care for carrying a chair around, trying to squeeze in where I don’t fit and staying where I need to defend my presence

7) I can break the cycle of table-hopping, by recognizing who I am and what I bring to the table, being honest about that and by beginning to build my own tables

8) I can encourage others to be more confident in who they are and what they bring to the table

9) I can seek out like-minded and like focused individuals and invite them to my tables

10) In doing so, I can encourage community

Tables And Community

I am a Cape Bretoner. When I think of community, I think of a big round kitchen table with lots of chairs, a pot of strong tea, good conversations and lots of laughs. I see people of every age and from every background, gathered together, all with their unique selves and opinions. And I can see that even when our uniqueness shines through and our opinions differ, that everyone at the table is respectful and appreciates the contributions of those around the table. This is community. This is the kind of table I grew up at and this is the kind of table I want to sit at.

In my own experience, exclusion from some tables has encouraged me to build new community because it has forced me to reconsider my own mindset. There are some tables I was never meant to sit at and stayed far too long because of my own insecurities.

So, in 2019, I have decided to stop waiting for others to build this type of table and invite me to sit. Rather, I have decided to begin building this table and inviting others to come and sit with me.

What lessons have you learned at the tables you have been sitting at? Are you ready to stop table-hopping and begin to build your own tables?

There Is Strength In Numbers

What does your ideal table look like? We all have different needs and interests and contributions to make. My table may look very different than your table, but I believe, that if we took the time, we could find ways to add another leaf or two and join our tables together. Individual community is built when like-minded and like focused people come together and are intentional about doing life together. Larger community is encouraged when individual communities intersect and begin to understand the value of building larger tables, rather than excluding others because of lack of room.

What I Know

There is a table out there that you fit at! A table where there is a seat with your name on it and an appreciation of what you have to contribute. The mind-shift in this season is not so much about whether or not there is a table, but rather, whether or not you need to build that table. Take a close look at yourself. Are you struggling with identity issues? Do you know who you are? Are you confident in what you have to offer? If not, you need to take some time to do that work. Dragging your own chair to table after table will not be of any benefit until you have committed to growing in that area.

Once that work is in progress, step out and start building tables. We all need community and the more tables we set up the more opportunities there are for joining and expanding the space at the table.

Until Next Time

Well, it is that time again! My cup is empty and it is time to go. I’m so happy you accepted my invitation to sit at this table for a little while. You are welcome here anytime! Drop some comments in the comment box below. I would love to hear your experiences about sitting at tables and about table building!

If you are interested in more Devotional reading, head over to my Facebook Page where you will find a Weekly Devotion early every Monday morning. Click here to go directly to Weekly Devotions with Laurie.

Until next time,

From my heart to yours!

Laurie

Category: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

August 19 2019

I’m Stuck, You’re Stuck, We’re All Stuck – Why We Feel There is More Than This and What We Can Do About It

A few weeks ago we talked about murmuring and its ability to keep us stuck making paths around the same old mountains, learning the same old lessons. Some of us read that and thought, “oh, that’s interesting, but it doesn’t really apply to me.” But if we were to be really honest with ourselves and with those around us, we would say, “I’m Stuck, You’re Stuck, We’re All Stuck! This week I would love for us to chat about “why we feel there is more than this and what we can do about it!

Checking In

How are you doing? Really, how are you doing? Not the pat answer, “oh, I’m OK.” But the real, open up and tell me your thoughts, answer. I would love to hear from you and how you are doing with the life issues we are chatting about. Drop a note below or connect with me by email by clicking here. The last few weeks have been a real eye-opener for me. I love when I sit down and share with others because I always find it is for me first! Are you a murmurer? I am. There is no shame in that. At least I’m aware of it and because I am aware of it, I can begin to make a shift. Hang in there, change takes time. Don’t get discouraged, tomorrow is always a new day!

Stuck Defined

Merriam Webster has a Kids Dictionary (let’s keep it straightforward). So I plugged in the word “stuck” and this is what I got:

to put in a specified place or position
to remain in a place, situation, or environment
to halt the movement or action of
BAFFLE
to burden with something unpleasant
to cling or cause to cling
to become blocked or jammed

Merriam Webster (2019). Retrieved from: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/stick#kidsdictionary

Well, I don’t know about you, but when I talk about feeling stuck, this is exactly how I feel; placed, remaining, halted, baffled, burdened, clingy and blocked. What other words or phrases would you use to describe the feeling of being stuck?

How Can You Feel Stuck When You Are Moving?

But, you say, I get up every day and take care of the day to day things, get to work, make supper, sometimes even meet with my friends for tea. Am I really stuck if I’m still moving? The question is not so much about how much you are moving; we have a tremendous ability to push through and keep moving in spite of how we feel and the circumstances we find ourselves in. Rather, the question is more about how are we feel about moving. My experience of feeling stuck is not so much about how much I am or am not moving, but rather about the thoughts that come; “there has to be more than this.” Or even more so, the thought “I am more than this.”

There Has To Be More Than This – (I’m Tired Of Running In Place)

There is an old saying about worry being like a rocking chair, lots of motion but not getting anywhere. Being stuck is similar to sitting in a rocking chair. We feel like we are moving and moving fast, but at the end of the day when we evaluate our progress, we see that we haven’t made much if any, headway. I don’t know about you, but I’m weary of this feeling of running in place. There has to be more than this!

I Am More Than This (Stuck Is A Mindset)

Further to this last thought, being stuck for long periods of time begins to do a job on our self-esteem. We begin to feel unable and unproductive and over time, we move from not just feeling there has to be more than this, but it becomes personal; I am more than this! Stuck is a mindset and mindsets are personal. They impact the very way we see ourselves, which over time impacts the way others see us and respond to us as well.

What Keeps Us Stuck? (Thought Life and In-Authenticity)

So why are we so stuck? Why this feeling of “there is” , “I am” more? Let’s look at 4 things that keep us stuck:

1) Our thought life – as we think, so we are (Proverbs 23:7). We often don’t realize the importance or necessity of keeping a tight rein on our thought life; so we allow it to wander where it will. But our thought life determines our direction. If we are entertaining negative, destructive, or self-defeating thoughts in our mind, that will result in like-minded actions in our life; the self-fulfilling prophecy.

2) In-authenticity – cognitive dissonance happens when we act in a way that is contrary to what we believe. How many of us spend a large portion of our time creating a beautiful and complicated facade to present to the world around us; carefully protected the real bits and pieces of who we are from the judgment of ourselves and others? We can’t move forward because we are using up our time and energy creating that which runs opposite to what we truly are. We find ourselves stuck in the dance of “how do you like me now?”

What Keeps Us Stuck? (Fear And Unintentional Living)

3) Fear – fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of what others will think. So many fears that can keep us paralyzed on all fronts. Fear causes a lack of forward movement. And stuck happens!

4) Not living intentionally – unintentional living brings us back to that rocking chair. We are busy, moving quickly, but because we don’t know where we are heading, we never feel like we are arriving. If you don’t know where you want to go, how will you ever know when you get there?

So What’s The Antidote To Stuck? (As Individuals)

1) Get control of those thoughts – “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” NKJV Search Results for “renewing” AND “of” AND “your” AND “mind”. Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org//search/search.cfm?Criteria=renewing+of+your+mind&t=NKJV#s=s_primary_0_1

2) Be the real you – “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.” NKJV Search Results for “fearfully” AND “and” AND “wonderfully” AND “made”. Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org//search/search.cfm?Criteria=fearfully+and+wonderfully+made&t=NKJV#s=s_primary_0_1

3) Do it afraid – “Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” NKJV Search Results for “do” AND “not” AND “fear”. Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org//search/search.cfm?Criteria=do+not+fear&t=NKJV#s=s_primary_0_1

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” NKJV Search Results for “i” AND “can” AND “do” AND “all” AND “things”. Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org//search/search.cfm?Criteria=i+can+do+all+things&t=NKJV#s=s_primary_0_1

4) Make a plan –“ The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD” NKJV Search Results for “the” AND “steps” AND “of” AND “a” AND “good” AND “man” AND “are” AND “ordered”. Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org//search/search.cfm?Criteria=the+steps+of+a+good+man+are+ordered&t=NKJV#s=s_primary_0_1

So What’s The Antidote To Stuck? (As Community)

1) Encourage someone else – know that if you are feeling stuck, others around you are feeling stuck. Actively reach out and check on those around you. Find out where they are, where they want to go and how you can be an encouragement to them on that journey.

2) Let others be the real them – you will begin to find freedom in being the real you when you begin to let others be their real selves. Expectations breed expectations. The search for real can begin with you.

3) Find your tribe – there is a group out there for all of us; a small or large group of people with whom we identify and with whom we feel able to be genuinely us. Go out and find your tribe.

4) Share your stories – unity and community will be built as we discover who we really are, live who we really are, and are honest with ourselves and others about our stories. Sharing creates connection. Connections lead to encouragement. Encouragement encourages forward momentum.

What I Know

I know that we are not alone in our feelings of being stuck. Somehow, I know that I’m stuck, you’re stuck, we’re all stuck! I also know that we feel like there is more than this because there is more than this.

We need to start by admitting where we are and then move on to consciously deciding where we want to be. In between we need to live real and build unity and community by sharing our stories and encouraging one another.

In doing this we will be able to trade in the rocking chair for something that will not just occupy our time and keep us moving, but will actually begin to take us somewhere!

Until Next Time

Well, it is that time again. The bit of tea that is left in my cup has grown cold. I so cherish our time together and I hope that you do as well.

I would love to hear from you. Are you feeling stuck? What would you like to do about it? How can I, or others around you, encourage you to trade that rocking chair for something that will allow for forward momentum? Drop me some notes below in the comments section!

If you are getting something out of our conversations and know others who would like to join us, share the blog using the email, Facebook or Pinterest buttons directly below the blog! The more the merrier!

If you are interested in more Devotional reading, head over to my Facebook Page where you will find a Weekly Devotion early every Monday morning. Click here to go directly to my Facebook Page.

Until next time,

From my heart to yours!

Laurie

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