abundance Archives - Laurie Hopkins

June 10 2019

45 and Fabulous

Hello my friend! Thanks for dropping in to spend a few minutes together. Do you have a hot cup of something and a few minutes to yourself to sit and chat? Great! Let’s get started! I have spent the week getting adjusted to being 45! It is similar to the beginning of the New Year when you find yourself writing last year’s date on everything. The first week at a new age is interesting as every now and then it just hits you that you are a year older and hopefully wiser. It is like a fresh AHA moment every few hours. As a result of all these AHA’s moments that I’ve experienced this week, I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to be 45 and fabulous.

Age is Just a Number

I am of the persuasion that believes/professes that age is just a number. However, there are certain numbers that make you stop and think about that a little more than others. 45 is one of them. Maybe because I’m now smack dab in the middle of a decade; perhaps because it has already been a year of much change -or even because I’m past the denial of being over 40. Whatever the exact reason is, 45 is a number (age) that has left me a bit more reflective.

Reflection

I like to sit and think about things; life, where I’m at, where I’m going, what that path looks like. Thinking generally happens with a fresh sheet of paper and a sharpened pencil in my hands. A cup of tea in a nice mug is also helpful for this process. I’m never sure what will come out; poetry, short stories, mind maps or visions, but always, when I look back at it, it touches me deeply. How do you do your reflecting? Do you give yourself the gift of some quiet time spent thinking? Would love to hear when, where and how you like to think about things. Drop a comment below.

Musings on 45

It was a quiet afternoon last week when I had some time to set myself aside with my tea and some paper. My pencil was newly sharpened and the kitty cat curled up beside me. I wrote for a long time and then closed the cover of my notebook and set it aside. I wasn’t quite ready to sit and read it yet. Almost a week later, on a beautiful sunny morning, I settled myself in a chair on the deck. I plopped my big floppy hat on and grabbed a cup of hot tea. I was excited as I opened up my notebook and began to read. I wasn’t disappointed. My musings on 45 from a week earlier resonated deep in my spirit and may even have brought a few tears to my eyes.

Yellow Flower

Yellow Flower

Sheets of gray rain

A yellow flower blooms in the midst

A little hand reaches out and picks the flower

That little hand travels in the rain – with a bright red umbrella – holding carefully the yellow flower

That hand touches the shoulder of the one

hunched over in despair

And hands over the flower

The one sits up and looks around in the gray rain

and then looks at the bright yellow flower

The one goes out in to the gray rain

and furrows a piece of ground

and plants the yellow flower

and moves on

As that one travels she tells others, hunched over, where to find this

flower garden

Others, hunched over, hear of the hope of colour

They rise up and travel

Committed to see

The flower grows tall – little flowers

growing around it

The hands reach out and pick the little yellow flowers

They travel in the rain with a bright red umbrella – holding

carefully the yellow flower

What I Know

45 is knowing where the yellow flower is, knowing you have both the hands to give it and the hands to receive it. Knowing that there is colour in the grayness and that sometimes we have to get up and travel to find it.

There are those who look like thy have it all together, but who see themselves hunched over and in despair. The former is an elaborate facade – the later their reality.

The one with the yellow flower recognizes the hunched over in the “all together” and acknowledges it while inviting them to life.

I recognize that even after 45 years, there is still so much more to give; maybe even more to give. So many, holding a bouquet of flowers, need someone to acknowledge the barrenness within and hold out one yellow flower to offer life to the despair on the inside.

We are both the one holding out the flower and receiving the flower. We are both the one moving in the colour and living in the grayness. There is a hunched over one in each of us at some point in our lives. I hope that all of us, at some point in our lives, have had the glorious experience of travelling in the rain with a bright red umbrella – holding carefully the yellow flower.

45 and Fabulous

So what of being 45 and fabulous? I believe it is fabulous to see where I am and where I’m going. To have the time to set aside and reflect on this new age that is just a number. Fabulous comes when something is extraordinary or amazing. I’ve decided that 45 can be fabulous if I commit to finding the yellow flower, travelling through the gray rain with a red umbrella, holding carefully each yellow flower I find and touching the shoulder of the one hunched over in despair.

What can you commit to today that will create a fabulous year for you? Would love to hear from you – drop a comment below!

Farewell until Next Time

Well, it’s time to say “farewell until next time”. I’m so glad to have been able to spend this time together. See you again next week, same time, same place!

If you are interested in more Devotional reading, head over to my Facebook Page where you will find a Weekly Devotion early every Monday morning. Click here to go directly to the Weekly Devotions with Laurie.

Until next time,

From my heart to yours!

Laurie

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June 3 2019

Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places

Hope Begins In The Darkest of Places

Good Morning all my Shining Ones! What adventures were you on this week? What challenges did you face? How did you face them? This week I thought we would dive a bit deeper. I would love to share with you a bit about my journey with “Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places.” Using my journal writings I will share the hope I found during one of the darkest times in my life. A spark of hope that began and endured despite the feelings I felt and the circumstances I saw.

A Lot Can Happen In 6 Months and 5 Days

On October 14^th, 2001, I entered the hospital for treatment of severe depression and anxiety. I emerged, into the world again, 5 months and 6 days later. It was “a year from hell. I crashed, completely withdrew from life, hit rock bottom, died a thousand deaths, began to resurface, learned to trust, found myself (in bits and pieces) and began to fight to learn who I was.”

It was a challenging time yet a time of great growth; a time of great despair but also a time development of a new and enduring hope that would help to propel me forward in the years to come.

Hope Bubbles Up In The Midst

“Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places.” I wrote those words without knowing what they would mean – they were an unconscious encouragement to me, offered up from somewhere deep within.”

It was, as I sat on my hospital bed and looked at the wall ahead of me, paper and pencil in hand, trying to capture some of the wayward thoughts to help make sense of the chaos, that these words came to me. It wasn’t a voice. It wasn’t a feeling. It is hard to explain the experience. The words just bubbled up inside of me and I immediately started writing. I must admit, when I looked closely at what I had written, I was disappointed. Hope, what hope? It was like another empty promise in the midst of the darkness; yet another contradiction in my life.

“At that moment when I knew I couldn’t fall any further, I could only envision despair. However, the darkest, coldest, bleakest day of winter is the one that inspires the wistful longing for the renewal of spring. I laid at the bottom of the pit, mired in hopelessness and helplessness, a soul scarred with anger, abandonment, distrust and hatred. My body and soul on fire, the world crushing my chest, each breath a struggle to survive. My mind was a constant torment to itself; critical and hateful, a constant barrage of darkness and evil.”

A Gift of Words

When one is desperate, at the bottom of the pit and finding it hard to get even a glimpse of the sky, one takes notice of those things that bubble up from within. I went to work, painted a large piece of paper and wrote these words in large red letters. I hung it on my wall. There it stayed for the duration of my time there. It generated much discussion. Many stopped and asked what it meant. Some questioned whether I believed it or not. Some thought it foolish. But there it stayed. Why? I believe these words were a gift to me from the Lord. Heaven knows I couldn’t have come up with them myself in my current state!

“From the bottom of that pit I had cried out to the Lord and He heard my voice. He lifted my head when I could no longer move, placed this, “Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places” in my heart, and in doing so, generated a spark of hope. There was no light, no warmth, no voice, but in that moment I knew hope.”

In that moment, despite how I felt, despite what my circumstances looked like, despite the hopelessness and helplessness I found myself in, these words that were given me, generated hope.

There is much I could say about the rest of my stay, but really there is no need for details. Suffice to say, the gift of these words was a catalyst, a reminder and a challenge all in one, to stay the path, dig in deep and do the work I needed to do.

Words Matter

As was my practice, I spent much time in my Bible, seeking comfort, direction and encouragement. These words reminded me of the importance of words in my life and reminded me to stick to what I knew.

Were the days easy? No! Was the work difficult? Yes! Did I often want to quit! For sure!

But the words I saw on my wall everyday reminded me that all the words I needed to read were available to me whenever I needed them. My Bible became my close companion and within it I found words of life that taught me about my value and worth, the purpose and plan for my life and the love of a Heavenly Father.

“I cried out for release from my torment and my voice was heard. I cried out for guidance and a hand reached to me. Form the darkest place I found hope. From the darkest place hope grew and sustained my spirit. From the darkest place I uncovered parts of me hidden for a lifetime. From the darkest place I learned to reach out, to trust, and to believe. From the darkest place I regained my faith. From the darkest place I became aware, grew more mindful. From the darkest place I learned to fight the resistance within.”

I read, I cried out, I worked, I reached out, I learned about myself and my God, I grew. In time the hope grew stronger, not only impacting me but those around me.

What You Need To Know

Why do I share this with you? I want you to know that:

1) you are not alone in your pit

2) you are not the only one who is struggling or has struggled

3) there is hope

4) if you are not ready to hope on your own, I will begin to hope for you

5) hope, acknowledged, will, in time, grow and strengthen and become believable and then undeniable

6) there are no quick fixes –life requires effort and commitment and work

7) no matter where you find yourself today, you can do this

What I Know!

Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places! I believe it with all my heart. I watched it at work. I watched in amazement and disbelief in my own life, and yet it worked anyway. 2001 feels like a lifetime ago in terms of where I’ve come since them. If I could change it all around, I wouldn’t change it. That time, although dark and full of despair, was a time of great growth. It taught me the importance of the Word in my life. It drew me closer to my Jesus and took my faith walk up several levels. It created within me a stamina and courage that I didn’t know I could ever have. Most of all, it took me on a journey that now allows me to speak hope into your life.

Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places

Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places still sits amongst my papers as I couldn’t bear to toss it.

The Step For Today

Where are you today? What hope do you need generated in your life? Today, I am believing for you. I have created a number of printables and social media posts for you to use. Click here to download. Print them off, hang them on your walls, physical and social media, and look at them often. Create your own if that works better for you. Just take that first step.

I’ve also done up a printable of a portion Psalm 40 for you – a Psalm that I read and reread in that season – a Psalm of truth and reality and great hope. I hope you will be encouraged by it.

Thanksgiving

I went home from those 5 months and 6 days in hospital a very different and much stronger individual; prepared to continue to do the work I needed to do. A year later on Thanksgiving Day I wrote this:

“There is a season for all things and I give thanks for my season of darkness and the resulting renewal I have been granted. I stand in the meadow of my soul, hand thrown up to heaven, and offer my heart and soul in thanks. My soul cries out to the Creator a song of praise for life and living, for despair and growth, for past and present, for enemies and friends, for the me I was, the me I am and the me I am to become.”

This is true 17 years later as I continue to sing out a song of praise! In time, I believe, it will be true for you as well!

Until Next Time

If you are interested in more Devotional reading, head over to my Facebook Page where you will find a Weekly Devotion early every Monday morning. Click the button below to go directly to the Weekly Devotions.

Until next time,

From my heart to yours!

laurie

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May 20 2019

The Struggle For Authenticity

Welcome back my friend! How has your week been? Did you have an opportunity to download and use the Attitude of Gratitude Mind Map from last week? If not, get it today! Would love to hear from you – how is life going, what is working, what is not working, what conversations do you want to have here in this space? This week, in this time we have together, I want to talk about what we are actually hiding from in our struggle to live our authentic life.

Not Hidden

The Lord knew us before the foundation of time (Ephesians 1:4). Nothing about us is hidden from His sight or His knowledge (Psalm 139). We have been created with a plan and a purpose and the very desires of our heart were placed within us by the Father (Psalm 37). We are intimately and expressly known. There is nothing about us that we can gloss over or hide with the Lord.

So, if we are clear that we can’t actually hide from the Lord, when we are struggling to live our authentic life, what or who are we are actually hiding from? What is your experience with this question?

Mirrored Judgments

We sometimes believe we are hiding from those around us. We struggle to live our authentic life primarily out of fear of the judgement of others. I would argue, however, that this is surface concern. The fear of the judgement of others in our lives, when drilled down to its core is that the judgement of others mirrors the very judgments we ourselves carry deep within us. These judgments are not new or unfamiliar and hold very little power over us as they are the very judgments that reside within us.

If we are clear that the judgments of those around us hold no power over us as they are not any different from what we carry within ourselves, when we are struggling to live our authentic life, what or who are we are actually hiding from? What is your experience with this question?

Hiding From Ourselves

It has been my experience that sometimes when I think I am hiding from the Lord, or those around me, I am actually hiding from myself. My inability to stay authentic has a tendency to come from a place of not being willing to admit, to myself, where I am. That unwillingness to acknowledge my current position is often related to my discomfort at looking directly at the distance between where I am and where I know I need/want to be.

Comfort

We are creatures of comfort and habit. We like to wear that comfy sweater, the one that fits just right, long after the cuffs are beyond well worn. Those shoes, the ones that mold perfectly to our feet; we do everything in our power to continue to wear them long past their natural expiry date. Comfort is what it is all about. For most of us habits are comfortable. The things we do naturally and with ease, often without even thinking about it, are the things we gravitate toward. They fit like that comfy sweater and they mold to our lives like those perfect shoes.

However, in order for me to step out into authenticity, really step out, I have to be willing to look at those places of comfort and acknowledge not only their presence but also their power in my life.

Discomfort

In doing this, it is a real possibility that discomfort will result; with stepping outside my comfort zone, even if only in my thoughts. Discomfort with the realization that there is a space between where I find myself and where I believe or even know I need to be. That discomfort which comes as I begin to make decisions; a decision to stay in my comfort zone and deny the destiny ahead of me or a decision to move out of that comfort zone into the unknown.

Priorities

I have to get to a place in my life where comfort is not my ultimate priority, acknowledging and accepting that discomfort will come regardless of whether I choose to grow or choose to become stagnant. When I begin to acknowledge and accept discomfort as a normal and expected piece of the puzzle of growth, I will find myself more willing to stop hiding from myself. When I no longer feel the need to hide from myself, there will be no struggle to live my authentic life. I will actively and easily make the daily decision to walk in authenticity.

Honesty = Authenticity= No Struggle To Live Our Authentic Life

If we can get to this place of being totally honest in this relationship with ourselves, authenticity in the other relationships in our lives will flow naturally.

How Do We Get There?

So how do we get to this place? This place of freedom and courage to look directly at ourselves, knowing that there will be discomfort and a need for decision making?

Where We Are vs Where We Are Going

Maybe it would help if we understood how the Lord sees us. He knows where we are but He sees us the way He has created us to be. The Lord, right from the beginning had a vision of who we were created to be. Ephesians 2:10 tells us that “we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Like any great artist, the Lord had a clear plan and purpose for us and a vision of us in His mind. As He continues to mold and shape us, although He is aware of the stage we are currently in, His focus is always ahead at the finished product. The Lord sees us, whole and complete in Him, walking out the entirety of our purpose and destiny.

How We See Ourselves

When we look at ourselves, we often focus on the stage we find ourselves in. We are neither completed nor perfected; we are rough around the edges and without our final coat of paint. We are often harsh on ourselves, not granting ourselves grace as a work in progress but rather expecting perfection where perfection can’t yet exist. This judgement leads to the fear that God will be unhappy with us where we are and that others around us will hold up a mirror that reveals the very judgments we struggle with, within ourselves.

How We Need to See Ourselves

If we could only learn to see ourselves as God sees us. A piece of art, in progress, neither completed nor perfected; rough around the edges and without our final coat of paint; but still beautiful and closer today to where we are going than we were yesterday. If only we could receive the love of God that is aware of where we are but sees us where we are going; that reckless and inexplicable love the Creator has for His unique creation.

Walking in that love, we would be more than eager to look directly at ourselves, assess our progress, and make the necessary adjustments, all the while looking eagerly ahead as what is yet to come. Authenticity would flow naturally in our lives and we would be more than pleased to encourage that same authenticity in the lives of those around us.

Where Are You?

What is your experience with the struggle to live authentically? Are you hiding from God? Perhaps the judgement of those around you feels powerful in your life because you don’t yet understand that those judgments only mirror your own. Maybe you fear looking directly at who/where you are because comfort is still a priority in your life and habits still have the power to keep you stagnant. Who are you really hiding from in your struggle to live authentically?

What I Know!

We are all walking a similar journey. If we could find grace for ourselves, we would find grace for those around us. You may encounter discomfort but you can get to a point where your desire for growth outweighs your need for the comfort of staying the same.

Take a Look!

I dare you to take a look! Where are you today and where are you going? What is your next step? The journey is full of valleys and mountains, a few meadows and some streams with only stepping stones, but I know you can do it!

Until next time,

From my heart to yours!

laurie

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