Laurie Hopkins

April 7 2023

When Lent Calls You to Give up Your “Cape” Rather than Chocolate and Caffeine.

This Lent I have eaten far too much chocolate, drank way too much caffeine, and scrolled aimlessly and endlessly through social media while trying to stay awake at this hospital bedside or at home in the night when no one sleeps

I have not fasted with intention (although I have eaten far less than I should have), I have not prayed long and deep prayers (although I have cried out in simple words or with no words to the One I know hears me at all times), I have not worked my way through several books of the Bible or a “special” devotional (although I have several verses written out on cue cards that are worn and wrinkled from my tight grip and dotted and blurred with my tears)

This Lent, I have given up my “cape”.

You know, that one that screams “superwoman” every time you put it on

It hasn’t happened all at once, I have had to work into it – Just like the little nibble you sneak late at night of the chocolate, you said you wouldn’t have for the 40 days of Lent or the two sips of coffee that morning you really needed it, although you gave up caffeine as well.

I have slipped, picked up my cape and wrapped it around my shoulders to get through a particularly difficult moment – or night or an entire day – but then I slipped it back off.

That cape signifies the need for perfection – Jesus doesn’t call us to that – to that perfection – there is no more reward to the one who eats not a bit of chocolate or a sip of caffeine than to the one who works at it and slips and falls and gets up and tries again.

Jesus calls us to relationship and love and obedience- to pick up our cross and follow Him – even if that means – especially if that means- setting it down from time to time and then choosing to pick it up again

I have given up saying I am ok when I am not

I have given up saying “This too shall pass” or “It will all come out in the wash” – because although that is the hope that I hold on to day after day- the words diminish the reality of what I am experiencing in this moment

I have given up saying no to offers of help

I have asked family to send food

I have cried alone, with friends and in the aisle of the supermarket

I have given up tip-toeing around with my words to keep the peace – a peace that doesn’t actually exist when you need to advocate

I have given up suppressing the truth to soften the blow, while carrying the brunt of it all on my own

I have been still in my pj’s when the Nurse or home care came to the house to help with my husband or my friends dropped by

I have left dishes in the sink and skipped the sweeping even though the dust bunnies (or cat hair bunnies) were planning a mutiny

I have eaten chocolate for breakfast and had coffee at midnight

I have ordered food to be delivered when there has been food in the fridge I could have prepared

I have slept on the couch in the middle of the afternoon, rather than doing work that needed to be done

I have told the guys in the booth at the hospital parking lot how wonderful their consistent greetings and smiles have been and told the screeners at the hospital entrance I appreciate them – I have asked the staff how they are doing and told complete strangers in the elevator I like the colour of their hair or their cool shoes.

I have been

Real

Truthful

Vulnerable

Hurt

Exhausted

Unheard

And heard

One year at graduation my students gifted me with a handmade “cape” – my “superwoman cape”. On the back were two things I used to say to them all the time – “it’s in you” and “you’ve got this”. It was an inside joke. When I forgot something during class or didn’t “serve” them to my usual standard and they questioned it, I would laugh and say, “I left my cape at home today.” On that graduation day they acknowledged my efforts to teach and mentor in excellence and offered back to me the words of encouragement that I had offered to them.

But this year, I set down my “cape”, not this physical one that hangs in a place of honour in my home, but rather the “cape” mindsets and expectations that no longer serve me.

Jesus did not call me to be a superhero. Self-sufficient and saving the world. He called me to love the world the way He loves the world so they can see Him in me – the One that does the saving.

Today is Good Friday. The Disciples went through the darkness of Good Friday and Saturday not knowing the ending. But we know that no matter how dark this day looks, it may be Friday, but Sunday is coming!

He is risen! He is risen indeed!

And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified. He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.

Matthew 28:5-6

Category: Life, Moments | 3 Comments

March 9 2023

The Light Wins Again

Once again, it has been some time since we sat together at the table and chatted. For those of you who missed our last chat in December, you may want to take a minute to go back and read it.

We spoke about my Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter Cactus (I never know when it is going to bloom) and its desire to bloom when in the direct light.

Well, this morning, I noticed it is ready to bloom again. I counted 7 tiny buds on it and I noticed that all the greenery has turned itself completely towards the window side (I had to turn it around to get a picture of the buds).

It got me thinking about the light again.

It has been a dark winter here.

Physically there have been many cloudy days with not even a peak of the sun. Even the cat has noticed the lack of sun beams to sleep in – often wandering around the house several times a day looking for a prime napping spot, to no avail.

Emotionally, there have been more days requiring an umbrella to shield from the tears than there have been requiring glasses to shield from the brightness.

Spiritually, it has been a winter where I continue to experience and learn from the various facets of the “dark night of the soul” and the “valley of the shadow of death”, facets that I had not even considered before.

And so, this morning, when I looked at my cactus and saw all these new little buds, I thought, “Ah, the light wins again.” Because although the days have been dark on the outside and on the inside, that little cactus leaned towards the window and stretched to receive the little bit of light that it knew was beyond those clouds. And in doing so, grew little buds of life that will once again bloom into beautiful flowers.

The word of God tells us, “Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” Ephesians 6:13

It also tells us that, “the LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1

If I were to be completely honest, there are days when I feel too weary, worn out and discouraged to put on the armour and days when, even though I believe that the Lord is my light and my salvation, I fear many things.

On those days, I just call out the name of Jesus- His Spirit that lives within me, my Advocate, cries out on my behalf, when I have no strength and no words, only tears and travail.

In Psalm 105:39, the Psalmist reminds the people about the time when they wandered in the wilderness and God “spread a cloud for a covering, and fire to give light in the night”.

In this very dark winter, I have seen that fire that provides the light.

That fire that appears in the morning when I have to get up and face another day of the unknown, still weary from the day before.

That fire that appears in the midst of the hospital room when nothing seems to be going right.

That fire that surrounds us both, when my husband cries out “how long oh Lord” in his suffering.

That fire that is familiar and warm when daily life is turned upside down, day after day.

That fire that goes ahead but also wraps around, when despite the amazing support of those around me, I feel isolated and alone.

Just as that cactus plant knows to lean in and stretch toward the light that is there, even when it isn’t obvious, I know to lean in and stretch toward the light that gives me life, strength, and hope.

Jesus tells us, “I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness.” John 12:46

So, even though the winter has seemed physically, emotionally and spiritually dark, I know not to abide in that darkness. I am not unrealistic. I do not deny the darkness I see and feel. But, as a Child of God, a Child of the light, I know that I cannot burrow in deep, covered securely by the weight of the darkness and its ability to obscure how and what I see. As we talked about the last day, there is, oddly enough, a comfort in the dark, in the weight of it. But that is not where I am to find my comfort.

I am to find my comfort in the light; THE LIGHT.

If that requires me to lean in and stretch towards Him because I know He is there, even when I don’t see Him, then that is what I must do.

Sometimes I need a reminder:

My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah (Psalm 62:5-8).

I also like how the passion translation says it:

I am standing in absolute stillness, silent before the one I love, waiting as long as it takes for him to rescue me. Only God is my Savior, and he will not fail me. For he alone is my safe place. His wraparound presence always protects me as my champion defender. There’s no risk of failure with God! So why would I let worry paralyze me, even when troubles multiply around me? God’s glory is all around me! His wraparound presence is all I need, for the Lord is my Savior, my hero, and my life-giving strength. Trust only in God every moment! Tell him all your troubles and pour out your heart-longings to him. Believe me when I tell you—he will help you! Pause in his presence. Psalm 62:5-8 TPT

And on those days when I can’t even lean in or stretch towards Him, I need not worry, He is only ever a breath away – and reaches for me.

I’m so happy that the Light always wins. I’m also happy that the Lord speaks to us in so many simple but beautiful ways, like through the 7 tiny buds on my cactus.

It has been so nice to sit at the table and chat with you once again.

Be well, be blessed, stay in the light.

Category: Moments | 4 Comments

December 9 2022

A Season of Light – It Has Made ALL The Difference

It has been a long time since we sat together and chatted. For a while, it was more because I did not have anything new to share and then later, because I had so much to share, I could not find a place to start.

But today I find myself right here, at the table, ready for a chat with you…….

This morning I stood in my kitchen and realized my Easter/Thanksgiving/Christmas cactus is blooming. I am never sure which type it is because it blooms at the oddest times.

For some reason it really caught my attention. I stood still……admiring its colour and the fascinating shape of its bloom. Had I ever stopped and looked closely at it before? I cannot say with certainty that I have or have not, but this morning it struck me just how beautiful it is.

Two full blooms and I see another one starting. Usually, I am lucky to get one bloom.

“It is in the direct light,” I thought absentmindedly, “that has made the difference.”

In the light

That has made the difference

Why was it so much more captivating today?

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them a light has shined. Isaiah 9:2

When I read this verse from Isaiah, I often wonder how these people, the ones who walked in darkness, felt when the light shined upon them? Were they grateful for what they could now see? Afraid of what the light revealed? In awe of all that they had missed while in the darkness? Did it alter the way they saw things? Did “dark things” bother them less when bathed in light and “things in the light” cause them to pause more often?

The last 3 plus months have been a time of great challenges in our home. A lot of appointments and tests, a lot of waiting, leading to an unexpected and unwelcome diagnosis for my husband. Followed by more tests, appointments, waiting, chemo treatments, side effects, long days and even longer nights.

Some days I have felt like “those who walked in darkness”.

If I were to be completely honest, there is something about the darkness that can cause us to burrow in deep, covered securely by its weight and its ability to obscure how and what we see. There is, oddly enough, a comfort in the dark, weight of it.

Early on in this recent journey, I was reminded of John 8:12 “Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.””

As I thought on that verse, reminded that as a follower of Jesus, I am not one that walks in the darkness, but one who walks in the light, I wondered…in this moment, in this particular situation, did the light that was shining on me change things? Did I feel grateful for what I could now see walking in this light? Was I afraid of what the light was revealing or might reveal? Was I in awe of all that I had missed when I walked in the darkness? Was this reminder of the light I walk in, altering the way I would see things? Did the “dark things” in my life and in this journey bother me less when bathed in the light and the did the “things in the light” cause me to pause more often?

My captivation with this cactus this morning, blooming in the direct light that made the difference caused something to shift within me.

I remembered that walking in the light of Jesus always makes the difference.

Walking in the light of Jesus impacts my perspective (my capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance). (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/perspective)

Despite the challenges, the uncertainties, the fear, the concern and worry for what is and what might be, when I choose to remember that as a follower of Jesus, I walk in the light, not in the darkness, things change.

I KNOW that I feel more grateful for what I can see when walking in this light – God’s truth.

I am LEARNING not to be afraid of what the light reveals about me, about others, about situations – because the light always leads to God’s truth.

I AM in awe of all that I miss when I walked in the darkness – once you know the truth you don’t want to go back.

This light I walk in, DOES alter the way I see things – “the truth will set you (me) free” (John 8:32).

The “dark things” in my life and in this journey bother me less when BATHED IN THE LIGHT – it doesn’t make it go away or always make it easier but it grants a peace that “passes all understanding” (Philippians 4:7) – the truth reminds me – in the end we win – “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18).

Walking in the light changes my perspective and DOES cause me to pause more often, to see the beauty in the little, basic, and everyday things – truth shows you what is really important.

This is a season of lights. Christmas tree lights; lights decorating houses, doors and outdoor trees; flickering candles. All meant to represent the coming of the Light of the World, the Lord Jesus.

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them a light has shined. Isaiah 9:2

Those people that walked in darkness, what light was it that shined on them? Just a few verses later we read:

For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end, upon the throne of David and over His kingdom, to order it and establish it with judgment and justice from that time forward, even forever. Isaiah 9:6-7

This Child is the light – the light that shined in the darkness of the people who previously had walked in darkness. The Christ Child, born at Christmas to give His life for us at Easter that we may walk with Him, in His light, eternally.

This morning’s captivation with the blooming cactus, in the direct light, that made all the difference, was a necessary reminder of the light that I am to walk in everyday. A reminder that I am not to get bogged down or comfortable in the weight of the dark, but that I am to be captivated by that which I can see – God’s truth – when I walk in His light. Regardless of what the situation I am in, looks or feels like –“for we walk by faith, not by sight”. (2 Corinthians 5:7).

Does that mean it will always be easy, work out the way we want it to, or feel comfortable?

No, it doesn’t.

But it does mean that I will walk in truth and peace and that my “enlightened” perspective will allow me to see the beauty in the little, basic, and everyday things that are really important in the whole scheme of things.

In the light

It has made ALL the difference

Category: Life, Moments | 3 Comments