Life Archives - Page 2 of 3

April 7 2023

When Lent Calls You to Give up Your “Cape” Rather than Chocolate and Caffeine.

This Lent I have eaten far too much chocolate, drank way too much caffeine, and scrolled aimlessly and endlessly through social media while trying to stay awake at this hospital bedside or at home in the night when no one sleeps

I have not fasted with intention (although I have eaten far less than I should have), I have not prayed long and deep prayers (although I have cried out in simple words or with no words to the One I know hears me at all times), I have not worked my way through several books of the Bible or a “special” devotional (although I have several verses written out on cue cards that are worn and wrinkled from my tight grip and dotted and blurred with my tears)

This Lent, I have given up my “cape”.

You know, that one that screams “superwoman” every time you put it on

It hasn’t happened all at once, I have had to work into it – Just like the little nibble you sneak late at night of the chocolate, you said you wouldn’t have for the 40 days of Lent or the two sips of coffee that morning you really needed it, although you gave up caffeine as well.

I have slipped, picked up my cape and wrapped it around my shoulders to get through a particularly difficult moment – or night or an entire day – but then I slipped it back off.

That cape signifies the need for perfection – Jesus doesn’t call us to that – to that perfection – there is no more reward to the one who eats not a bit of chocolate or a sip of caffeine than to the one who works at it and slips and falls and gets up and tries again.

Jesus calls us to relationship and love and obedience- to pick up our cross and follow Him – even if that means – especially if that means- setting it down from time to time and then choosing to pick it up again

I have given up saying I am ok when I am not

I have given up saying “This too shall pass” or “It will all come out in the wash” – because although that is the hope that I hold on to day after day- the words diminish the reality of what I am experiencing in this moment

I have given up saying no to offers of help

I have asked family to send food

I have cried alone, with friends and in the aisle of the supermarket

I have given up tip-toeing around with my words to keep the peace – a peace that doesn’t actually exist when you need to advocate

I have given up suppressing the truth to soften the blow, while carrying the brunt of it all on my own

I have been still in my pj’s when the Nurse or home care came to the house to help with my husband or my friends dropped by

I have left dishes in the sink and skipped the sweeping even though the dust bunnies (or cat hair bunnies) were planning a mutiny

I have eaten chocolate for breakfast and had coffee at midnight

I have ordered food to be delivered when there has been food in the fridge I could have prepared

I have slept on the couch in the middle of the afternoon, rather than doing work that needed to be done

I have told the guys in the booth at the hospital parking lot how wonderful their consistent greetings and smiles have been and told the screeners at the hospital entrance I appreciate them – I have asked the staff how they are doing and told complete strangers in the elevator I like the colour of their hair or their cool shoes.

I have been

Real

Truthful

Vulnerable

Hurt

Exhausted

Unheard

And heard

One year at graduation my students gifted me with a handmade “cape” – my “superwoman cape”. On the back were two things I used to say to them all the time – “it’s in you” and “you’ve got this”. It was an inside joke. When I forgot something during class or didn’t “serve” them to my usual standard and they questioned it, I would laugh and say, “I left my cape at home today.” On that graduation day they acknowledged my efforts to teach and mentor in excellence and offered back to me the words of encouragement that I had offered to them.

But this year, I set down my “cape”, not this physical one that hangs in a place of honour in my home, but rather the “cape” mindsets and expectations that no longer serve me.

Jesus did not call me to be a superhero. Self-sufficient and saving the world. He called me to love the world the way He loves the world so they can see Him in me – the One that does the saving.

Today is Good Friday. The Disciples went through the darkness of Good Friday and Saturday not knowing the ending. But we know that no matter how dark this day looks, it may be Friday, but Sunday is coming!

He is risen! He is risen indeed!

And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified. He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.

Matthew 28:5-6

Category: Life, Moments | 3 Comments

December 9 2022

A Season of Light – It Has Made ALL The Difference

It has been a long time since we sat together and chatted. For a while, it was more because I did not have anything new to share and then later, because I had so much to share, I could not find a place to start.

But today I find myself right here, at the table, ready for a chat with you…….

This morning I stood in my kitchen and realized my Easter/Thanksgiving/Christmas cactus is blooming. I am never sure which type it is because it blooms at the oddest times.

For some reason it really caught my attention. I stood still……admiring its colour and the fascinating shape of its bloom. Had I ever stopped and looked closely at it before? I cannot say with certainty that I have or have not, but this morning it struck me just how beautiful it is.

Two full blooms and I see another one starting. Usually, I am lucky to get one bloom.

“It is in the direct light,” I thought absentmindedly, “that has made the difference.”

In the light

That has made the difference

Why was it so much more captivating today?

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them a light has shined. Isaiah 9:2

When I read this verse from Isaiah, I often wonder how these people, the ones who walked in darkness, felt when the light shined upon them? Were they grateful for what they could now see? Afraid of what the light revealed? In awe of all that they had missed while in the darkness? Did it alter the way they saw things? Did “dark things” bother them less when bathed in light and “things in the light” cause them to pause more often?

The last 3 plus months have been a time of great challenges in our home. A lot of appointments and tests, a lot of waiting, leading to an unexpected and unwelcome diagnosis for my husband. Followed by more tests, appointments, waiting, chemo treatments, side effects, long days and even longer nights.

Some days I have felt like “those who walked in darkness”.

If I were to be completely honest, there is something about the darkness that can cause us to burrow in deep, covered securely by its weight and its ability to obscure how and what we see. There is, oddly enough, a comfort in the dark, weight of it.

Early on in this recent journey, I was reminded of John 8:12 “Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.””

As I thought on that verse, reminded that as a follower of Jesus, I am not one that walks in the darkness, but one who walks in the light, I wondered…in this moment, in this particular situation, did the light that was shining on me change things? Did I feel grateful for what I could now see walking in this light? Was I afraid of what the light was revealing or might reveal? Was I in awe of all that I had missed when I walked in the darkness? Was this reminder of the light I walk in, altering the way I would see things? Did the “dark things” in my life and in this journey bother me less when bathed in the light and the did the “things in the light” cause me to pause more often?

My captivation with this cactus this morning, blooming in the direct light that made the difference caused something to shift within me.

I remembered that walking in the light of Jesus always makes the difference.

Walking in the light of Jesus impacts my perspective (my capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance). (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/perspective)

Despite the challenges, the uncertainties, the fear, the concern and worry for what is and what might be, when I choose to remember that as a follower of Jesus, I walk in the light, not in the darkness, things change.

I KNOW that I feel more grateful for what I can see when walking in this light – God’s truth.

I am LEARNING not to be afraid of what the light reveals about me, about others, about situations – because the light always leads to God’s truth.

I AM in awe of all that I miss when I walked in the darkness – once you know the truth you don’t want to go back.

This light I walk in, DOES alter the way I see things – “the truth will set you (me) free” (John 8:32).

The “dark things” in my life and in this journey bother me less when BATHED IN THE LIGHT – it doesn’t make it go away or always make it easier but it grants a peace that “passes all understanding” (Philippians 4:7) – the truth reminds me – in the end we win – “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18).

Walking in the light changes my perspective and DOES cause me to pause more often, to see the beauty in the little, basic, and everyday things – truth shows you what is really important.

This is a season of lights. Christmas tree lights; lights decorating houses, doors and outdoor trees; flickering candles. All meant to represent the coming of the Light of the World, the Lord Jesus.

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them a light has shined. Isaiah 9:2

Those people that walked in darkness, what light was it that shined on them? Just a few verses later we read:

For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end, upon the throne of David and over His kingdom, to order it and establish it with judgment and justice from that time forward, even forever. Isaiah 9:6-7

This Child is the light – the light that shined in the darkness of the people who previously had walked in darkness. The Christ Child, born at Christmas to give His life for us at Easter that we may walk with Him, in His light, eternally.

This morning’s captivation with the blooming cactus, in the direct light, that made all the difference, was a necessary reminder of the light that I am to walk in everyday. A reminder that I am not to get bogged down or comfortable in the weight of the dark, but that I am to be captivated by that which I can see – God’s truth – when I walk in His light. Regardless of what the situation I am in, looks or feels like –“for we walk by faith, not by sight”. (2 Corinthians 5:7).

Does that mean it will always be easy, work out the way we want it to, or feel comfortable?

No, it doesn’t.

But it does mean that I will walk in truth and peace and that my “enlightened” perspective will allow me to see the beauty in the little, basic, and everyday things that are really important in the whole scheme of things.

In the light

It has made ALL the difference

Category: Life, Moments | 3 Comments

June 12 2022

Shifting Gears – Who’s Strength Are You Moving In?

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—from whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

How is it two months since we last chatted? It is an interesting writing season – although the thoughts come fast and furious, the release to share them is happening a lot less often. There are seasons like that – when what God give you, is really more for you than for others. He is a gracious Father and He knows what we need and when we need it.

Last time we talked about learning to let go when seasons change. That has been a hard lesson for me – so I have been sitting with that one a lot lately. I would love to hear how you are doing with learning to let go. It is always nice to share with others; it helps us to feel less alone in our journey. What we are learning could also be the lesson someone else is waiting on. Feel free to share in the comment section below.

The weather has been wonderful of late – I love the spring, as the days get progressively longer and warmer and I feel more like being outside and less like hibernating inside. Now it is almost summer, and last night it was still bright after 9pm. This makes me very happy.

For the last few weeks, I have been biking with my husband – we started with 10 kms and are now up to 20 kms. I love biking. The wind in your face, the speed. What I have not always liked about biking are the hills. Hills are hard. And I am competitive. Therefore, if my husband does the hill without getting off the bike and walking up, I want to do the hill without getting off the bike and walking up (even though he bikes A LOT more than I do).

The first few days we biked, I was determined to make all those hills – they were pretty gradual ones, but I still had to work hard to build up speed before the hill and then make a fast run at it to have any chance of getting to the top in one piece. It was exhilarating but exhausting.

My husband pointed out that I was not shifting my gears. Now, in my defence, my old bike had terrible gears that practically threw me off the bike when I shifted. Because of that, I never got in the habit of using them. My husband pointed out that the bike I am using now has nice smooth gears that shift easily and he showed me how to shift into the lower gear when going uphill.

Because I am in a season, where I am also trying to do new things – even though change is scary and difficult (even when you know it is good for you) – the next day when we biked I tried out the gears. What a difference!

The next day when we were biking, I was happily shifting gears all over the place – and feeling pretty good about my new skills. Still, there were more lessons to be learned. As we were approaching the last gradual hill on the way back (about 17 kms in), I was peddling fast to build up speed before the hill, expending a lot of energy, when I heard God say, “You don’t need to run the hill, just shift the gear down and maintain your normal speed.”

Now, you may think it was odd for God to be giving me direction about how to use my gears (although He does speak to us in the little everyday things), but He had a bigger lesson for me.

I slowed down my fast pace and shifted the gear as I hit the bottom of the hill. To my surprise, He was completely right! I made the hill with energy to spare at the top. YEAH!

As we continued on, God spoke clearly, “you have been running the hills fast and furiously, expending so much energy, doing it all in your own strength when all you had to do was use the gears – that is what they are there for”.

While I was still processing that, He continued, “you have been doing the same in your life, all of your life – running the hills fast and furiously, expending so much energy, doing it all in your own strength – but I have given you the Holy Spirit –the gears for your everyday life –use what I have given you. You do not need to do it in your own strength – know how to access and use the power you have within you – the power I have given you. In your strength you can get to the top of the hill, exhausted, discouraged, maybe even disillusioned. When you use your gears and go in the power of the Holy Spirit, wait and see where I will take you, in my strength, not yours.”

WOW!

Pause for a minute and let that sink in.

Did that hit you as it hit me when I heard it?

Did it hit you as it has hit me every day since?

If not, then maybe you need to sit with it a little longer.

After a few days, we went beyond the 8km mark one way and hit the BIG hill. It is a winding, back and forth, very tall and steep hill. Remember the competitive me. My husband graciously offered to walk up the hill with me (even though I knew he could do it without getting off the bike). I said to him, “can you bike up the hill?” He said yes and I said, “Well I am going to give it a try.” This time I did not run the hill, I maintained my speed, used the gears the way they are meant to be used and I made that hill on the first try! YEAH!

More importantly, in the last few weeks, as God continues to remind me that I do not need to do everything (anything) in my own strength, I am learning to access the power of the Holy Spirit that is within me. Do I get it right every time? No. I am learning. Is it always easy? No. Nevertheless, I will never learn unless I choose to surrender, submit, and lean into the strength of the Father.

We were never meant to be independent and self-sufficient. We were meant to live in relationship with an almighty and powerful God and in community with one another.

Whose strength are you moving in today?

Are you ready to shift gears?

As always, it is so wonderful to chat with you. Drop a comment below and let me know how you are doing. I would love to hear from you!

Until next time,

Remember,

you are valuable,

you are loved,

where you are,

just as you are!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5,6

Category: Life, Moments, Nature | 3 Comments