Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places
Hope Begins In The Darkest of Places
Good Morning all my Shining Ones! What adventures were you on this week? What challenges did you face? How did you face them? This week I thought we would dive a bit deeper. I would love to share with you a bit about my journey with “Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places.” Using my journal writings I will share the hope I found during one of the darkest times in my life. A spark of hope that began and endured despite the feelings I felt and the circumstances I saw.
A Lot Can Happen In 6 Months and 5 Days
On October 14th, 2001, I entered the hospital for treatment of severe depression and anxiety. I emerged, into the world again, 5 months and 6 days later. It was “a year from hell. I crashed, completely withdrew from life, hit rock bottom, died a thousand deaths, began to resurface, learned to trust, found myself (in bits and pieces) and began to fight to learn who I was.”
It was a challenging time yet a time of great growth; a time of great despair but also a time development of a new and enduring hope that would help to propel me forward in the years to come.
Hope Bubbles Up In The Midst
“Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places.” I wrote those words without knowing what they would mean – they were an unconscious encouragement to me, offered up from somewhere deep within.”
It was, as I sat on my hospital bed and looked at the wall ahead of me, paper and pencil in hand, trying to capture some of the wayward thoughts to help make sense of the chaos, that these words came to me. It wasn’t a voice. It wasn’t a feeling. It is hard to explain the experience. The words just bubbled up inside of me and I immediately started writing. I must admit, when I looked closely at what I had written, I was disappointed. Hope, what hope? It was like another empty promise in the midst of the darkness; yet another contradiction in my life.
“At that moment when I knew I couldn’t fall any further, I could only envision despair. However, the darkest, coldest, bleakest day of winter is the one that inspires the wistful longing for the renewal of spring. I laid at the bottom of the pit, mired in hopelessness and helplessness, a soul scarred with anger, abandonment, distrust and hatred. My body and soul on fire, the world crushing my chest, each breath a struggle to survive. My mind was a constant torment to itself; critical and hateful, a constant barrage of darkness and evil.”
A Gift of Words
When one is desperate, at the bottom of the pit and finding it hard to get even a glimpse of the sky, one takes notice of those things that bubble up from within. I went to work, painted a large piece of paper and wrote these words in large red letters. I hung it on my wall. There it stayed for the duration of my time there. It generated much discussion. Many stopped and asked what it meant. Some questioned whether I believed it or not. Some thought it foolish. But there it stayed. Why? I believe these words were a gift to me from the Lord. Heaven knows I couldn’t have come up with them myself in my current state!
“From the bottom of that pit I had cried out to the Lord and He heard my voice. He lifted my head when I could no longer move, placed this, “Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places” in my heart, and in doing so, generated a spark of hope. There was no light, no warmth, no voice, but in that moment I knew hope.”
In that moment, despite how I felt, despite what my circumstances looked like, despite the hopelessness and helplessness I found myself in, these words that were given me, generated hope.
There is much I could say about the rest of my stay, but really there is no need for details. Suffice to say, the gift of these words was a catalyst, a reminder and a challenge all in one, to stay the path, dig in deep and do the work I needed to do.
Words Matter
As was my practice, I spent much time in my Bible, seeking comfort, direction and encouragement. These words reminded me of the importance of words in my life and reminded me to stick to what I knew.
Were the days easy? No! Was the work difficult? Yes! Did I often want to quit! For sure!
But the words I saw on my wall everyday reminded me that all the words I needed to read were available to me whenever I needed them. My Bible became my close companion and within it I found words of life that taught me about my value and worth, the purpose and plan for my life and the love of a Heavenly Father.
“I cried out for release from my torment and my voice was heard. I cried out for guidance and a hand reached to me. Form the darkest place I found hope. From the darkest place hope grew and sustained my spirit. From the darkest place I uncovered parts of me hidden for a lifetime. From the darkest place I learned to reach out, to trust, and to believe. From the darkest place I regained my faith. From the darkest place I became aware, grew more mindful. From the darkest place I learned to fight the resistance within.”
I read, I cried out, I worked, I reached out, I learned about myself and my God, I grew. In time the hope grew stronger, not only impacting me but those around me.
What You Need To Know
Why do I share this with you? I want you to know that:
1) you are not alone in your pit
2) you are not the only one who is struggling or has struggled
3) there is hope
4) if you are not ready to hope on your own, I will begin to hope for you
5) hope, acknowledged, will, in time, grow and strengthen and become believable and then undeniable
6) there are no quick fixes –life requires effort and commitment and work
7) no matter where you find yourself today, you can do this
What I Know!
Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places! I believe it with all my heart. I watched it at work. I watched in amazement and disbelief in my own life, and yet it worked anyway. 2001 feels like a lifetime ago in terms of where I’ve come since them. If I could change it all around, I wouldn’t change it. That time, although dark and full of despair, was a time of great growth. It taught me the importance of the Word in my life. It drew me closer to my Jesus and took my faith walk up several levels. It created within me a stamina and courage that I didn’t know I could ever have. Most of all, it took me on a journey that now allows me to speak hope into your life.
Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places
Hope Begins in the Darkest of Places still sits amongst my papers as I couldn’t bear to toss it.
The Step For Today
Where are you today? What hope do you need generated in your life? Today, I am believing for you. I have created a number of printables and social media posts for you to use. Click here to download. Print them off, hang them on your walls, physical and social media, and look at them often. Create your own if that works better for you. Just take that first step.
I’ve also done up a printable of a portion Psalm 40 for you – a Psalm that I read and reread in that season – a Psalm of truth and reality and great hope. I hope you will be encouraged by it.
Thanksgiving
I went home from those 5 months and 6 days in hospital a very different and much stronger individual; prepared to continue to do the work I needed to do. A year later on Thanksgiving Day I wrote this:
“There is a season for all things and I give thanks for my season of darkness and the resulting renewal I have been granted. I stand in the meadow of my soul, hand thrown up to heaven, and offer my heart and soul in thanks. My soul cries out to the Creator a song of praise for life and living, for despair and growth, for past and present, for enemies and friends, for the me I was, the me I am and the me I am to become.”
This is true 17 years later as I continue to sing out a song of praise! In time, I believe, it will be true for you as well!
Until Next Time
If you are interested in more Devotional reading, head over to my Facebook Page where you will find a Weekly Devotion early every Monday morning. Click the button below to go directly to the Weekly Devotions.
Until next time,
From my heart to yours!
laurie
Thanks for sharing your journey, my friend! God is good!!
It is my pleasure to share!